November 4, 2020

Why We Are Where We Are

By mandee

I am not surprised by what is going on right now. I watch everything and none of this is a surprise.

There are lots of conversations that need to start happening in the coming days, but one conversation that needs to be had is about how to heal our nation’s collective trauma.

How do we heal the traumas in ourselves that make us become trauma donors (thank you Heather Clark for introducing me to that term) towards our fellow citizens?

Because all the hate and racism you see is the result of people’s unhealed traumas.
The drive to vote for a financial portfolio over the lives and livelihoods of our neighbors is a trauma response.

“Playing nice” is a trauma response.

Trying to control others is a trauma response.

Shaming others is a trauma response.

Upholding the status quo is a trauma response.

Fear of “the other” is a trauma response.

The need to instill fear in others and intimidate others is a trauma response.

Repeatedly believing a man who lies and cheats is a trauma response.

Bullying others is a trauma response.

Fear is a trauma response.

Anger is a trauma response.

Shame is a trauma response.

Violence is a trauma response.

All of the repugnant behaviors we have seen all over the country are trauma responses.

This is not excusing “bad behavior”. I want everyone reading this to hear me now.

Understanding what is happening is not excusing what is happening.

Understanding is the ONLY way to address it. It is the only way to fix things. It is the only way to solve the ongoing problems we have that are about to take us over and take us down.

Not everyone is going to be able to heal. Not everyone is going to want to. This does not matter.

What matters is we start to heal ourselves so we can authentically help others.

What matters is that we crack the veneers in our society that allow things to
continue under the guise of “niceness” and “that’s how it’s always been done”.

What matters is that we get to the root of our country’s problems so we don’t have to keep fighting these battles until the world ends.

We have to deal with this.

I don’t have a lot to offer towards making the changes that need to be made. But I do have this.

I commit to my continued work on myself to heal the traumas left unhealed in me.

I commit to writing and speaking more about this topic to help open the doors to authentic change in our communities.

I commit to helping others, in the ways that I can help, who authentically seek out assistance in becoming trauma informed and who wish to become trauma aware members of their communities.

This is what I have to offer and it is what I will do.

Expect more on this in the coming days/weeks/months/years.